A close friend just discovered that her husband has a second wife, who is now pregnant with their 3rd child. Needless to say, she is extremely devastated. There are no words to say to make her feel any better. I cannot think of anything to say. So, we just both cried while i held her hand when she poured out her story. About love and hope. About trust and betrayal. About what life has been for her and her 4 children. Her husband must have been married for at least 5 years: All 5 years of lies, deceit and betrayal. It's terrible.
I cannot imagine how some men could live a double life. I've been informed by a man who is living a similar situation that he didn't want to hurt his first wife, whom he loves, by telling her about his second family. How can you love someone and lie to them on a daily basis? How can you say you love someone and betray her trust in you? A Husband is the closest person to a Wife, the person she trusts most with her life. He is her protector, her ardent supporter, her lover and her best friend. Well, that is what I feel a husband should be to a wife. And vice versa.
So, what do you say to a person who discovers that her best friend, her protector, the person closest to her heart & soul, has betrayed her for the past 5 years? There are no words. It goes far beyond pain and hurt; it is affecting her self esteem and self worth. She feels she is a failure. That she has lost everything that she had carefully built all these years. She has lost her best friend and soulmate to someone else. It's just too painful to bear.
I just wish all men would realize how deeply they affect the women in their relationships. A husband is almost everything to a woman. He is her strength and her weakness. He is her source of joy and happiness. His being with her boosts her confidence and self esteem. He is a part of her. She needs him to be with her and to reassure her that he will always be there for her when she needs him. To love and trust. This is the whole basis of a marriage, to a woman. When this trust is crushed, what is left is an empty shell.
To my dear friend, may Allah give you the strength during this difficult time. I pray that Allah will guide you to the correct path as you make this very important decision in your life. Take care, and hang in there.
23 comments:
afflaDilla;
"Women was made from the rib of man...she was not created from his head to top him nor from his feet to be stepped upon.She was made from his side to be close to him, from beneath his arm to b protected by him and near his heart to be loved by him"
I read ur entry this time and it hit home....how sad it is to be betrayed by the one who promised to love u and cherished u all his life...
I pray that ur fren b given the strenght by ALLAH to go thru this phase of her life. Its not ez...kita yang mendengarnya pun rasa sedih, dia yang melaluinya pasti lagi derita......she needs all the support from her frens & family.
Amat menakutkan sungguh kan?....I tried to put myself in her shoes and I just cant do it....even to imagine it, is painfull...to go thru it I could possibly die.
Someone close to me once said that it is only when she surrenders herself to ALLAH that it becomes tollerable and bearable...tapi untuk redha menerima she is still struggling to do.........struggling to accept that the man she luvs {and still do despite his action}had broken her heart to pieces.
My prayers be with all these women...stay strong
Things happens for a reason and ALLAH tahu yang terbaik untuk kita...
Raha, u r so right. It's too painful for a woman to bear kan? Just pray that Allah will protect the relationship we build..
Everyday i pray to ALLAH that i don't have to go through what your friend just did.
We have to keep reminding ourselves to be the perfect wives so that our husbands will have no excuse to find comfort in other women.
Yes BC, Its so scary. Mintak Allah jauhkan kita dari dugaan seperti ni as I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with it..
If I'm in your friend's shoes, I'll pay a gangster to kill the husband & his whole new family!!
I hate this kinda man! To me, he's a coward for not telling the truth all this time!
Screw him!
Kak Dilla,
Sesungguhnya tiada ikatan yang kekal melainkan ikatan kita dan Allah...as i always said, yang kita ade kat keliling kita dalam hidup kita adalah pinjaman buat kita. Jadi untuk waktu yang diberikan Yang Esa maka kita hargainya..sesaat yang datang dan pergi ia adalah satu rahsi..bukan milik kita. Apapun moga Allah sentiasa melindungi perkahwinan kita. Bila Allah duga kita pastilah kerana Dia Maha Mengetahui setakat mana kekuatan hati kita. Hikmahnya adalah juga rahsia.Semoga kita semua wanita2 dapat menjadi hambaNya yang sabar dan kuat jiwa dan mental.
Bubs, I told my friend: Kalau dia nak geng2 Cik Kiah pergi ganyang pompuan tu, I can arrange..
Anyway, entah2 the woman pun tak tahu husband dia dah ada bini.. kita pun tak tahu.. Apapun, memang kesian sangat2..
Linda, you are so right. Semua di dunia ni hanya pinjaman dan sementara. Tapi hati seorang isteri memang akan terguris bila jadinya dugaan seperti ni.. terlalu berat rasanya..
Dil, yeah...count me in the GG - Gang Ganyang!!!! Grrr....
Pantang tok nenek orang yang PENIPU! Orang tipu sikit pun I dah rasa teramat bodoh, what more tipu hati dan jiwa...for years pulak tu? I wonder macam mana si J ituh arrange skrip dia masa waktu2 penting macam Raya ke, birthday ke...dahsyat betul 'kepakaran' dia! Harus kena interview dgn Fazilah Kamsah ni...grrrr...
I really hope your friend tu someone I don't know...bukannya apa, kalau someone I know, lagilah I tak sampai hati...sure teringat-ingat.. Moga Allah kuatkan dia dan beri hidayah sebaik-baiknya. Amin.
Tati, u tak kenal my fren tu tapi kalau u dengar her story pun, u akan menangis.. tak sampai hati sangat2 ti.. Especially kalau pikirkan anak-anak.. Anyway, jom join GG. Rasanya kita kena buat pertubuhan GG ni n start practice macamana nak ganyang pompuan-pompuan yang birah macam tu. Laki dia tu pon kena pial telinga!
Tati, maybe guna skrip ni kot?
B: abang nak gi mana ni bang?
J: gi kenduri kawin
B: abang ni pakai macam tu nak gi kenduri kawin ker, nak gi kawin?.........
B: saper yg kawin bang?
J: budak pejabat abang...si Ramlee
B: Ramlee? Ramlee yg mana pulak ni bang? setahu saya abang sorang jer yg nama Ramlee kat pejabat abang tu....
"madu 3"
sori dilla, i cannot help myself!!tapi i rasa memang dari dulu, kini dan selamanya, skrip di atas masih digunakan dan "laku".
Fao
Fao & Dil - BETOOOOOL!!!!! Yikes...I hate this type of J!! Dia bodoh, pas tu ingat dia boleh buat wife dia pun sama bodoh. Sorrrrryhhh....grrrr.... (ya, I'm still roaring...GRRRR....louder please!! heh heh)
Fao + Tati,
I kept telling myself that: Life is stranger than fiction! Rasa macam impossible boleh jadi kan? But then, memang it happened! P. Ramlee memang genius - siap tolong buatkan skrip untuk semua jantan2 ni ikut sampai la ni.
"Hidup susah. Mati pon susah. Hidup jalan sinang-sinang. Mati, pegang bendela."
Dear Dilla + Kak Tati;
Can i join ur GG group? I rasa the second wife tahu yang her hubby has another family and that is y i presume she tolerated the absence of a hubby on important days like raya etc.....
Ok ni forum panas untuk semua para isteri kan!!! Nanti i arrange satu sesi ngan Dato' Fazilah Kamsah - "Bila Skrip P.Ramlee Jadi Ikutan". Hah semalam i pergi jumpa Specialist kat Putra, is really intresting how he commented about why muslim man kahwin today. Dulu2 Junjungan Nabi kita kahwin sebab nak selamat dan lindungi wanita2 yang dalam kesusahan, kini is totaly lain. He is not muslim tapi dia pun tau menilai niat yang murni kenapa Junjungan Besar berpoligami dan dan today yang most man do it for different purpose. Adui...
Hi Linda & Raha..
Wah, bila dah masuk bab Fazilah Kamsah ni dah berat.. Tapi memang patut pun jantan2 yang tak sedar diri ni kena sekolah sikit bab2 poligami!! As Tati said: GRRRRRR!!!
what will you do if your closest friend is the mistress?
Hello Eleena,
I guess I would advise my close friend not to break up a family and walk away from the relationship with dignity. She will be a bigger person for doing that although she may hurt (if she loves the guy) for a while. However hurt she may feel, it cannot compare to the pain that she would inflict on his wife and children if she continued her affair with the married man.
Anyway, thanks for dropping in :)
emmmmmmmm...aaarrr.....hhhmmmmm....deng! deng! deng! aaaaaaaaaaaaa........hhhmmm.....
Nana.. mmmm... how la?
entah....scary...........maybe i have to hold.............
Ila..just read this topic of yours.. can't imagine how this guy was able to keep this double life and double family and probably double set of friends??? for 5 years??? He must be a guy with a lot of 'creative' thinking skills, problem solving, multi-tasking, motivational skills, management skills, psychological skills for being able to manage 2 households and with different set of kids!... People who say they keep it a secret from their 1st wife because they don't want to hurt her is just full of crap! Anyway - keeping it a secret like this is not doing justice for both women... if a guy wants to marry 2 or 3 or 4 wives - it's better to do it openly - rather than keeping it a secret. Whatever it is, i'm for monogamy and not polygamy!! M
Hi KL, I like your take on the situation! u r so right: the guy must be so good at leading a double life - great multi-tasking & management skills :) Haha!
I m ALL FOR MONOGAMY too!!
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